As a practicing Christian it bothered me that the church had put modifiers in front of the word Christian to separate and marginalize. Think about it. How often have you heard people described as “baby Christians,” “back-slidden Christians,” “carnal Christians,” “Red Letter Christians,” “conservative Christians,” “mainline Christians,” “progressive Christians,” and the ever boastful “real Christians.”

Why can’t we drop all the divisive wording and just refer to those who try to follow Christ as “Christians.” Why not one big category full of beautiful, diverse and interesting people rather than smaller, limiting categories? It’s time to stop putting  people in boxes that restrict our ability to see them the way Jesus does.

Recently I learned of a labeling scheme aimed at the LGBTQ persons. [Notice I didn’t say “gay Christians” here—gay people who follow Christ are just Christians like anyone else.] Some churches have taken on the cause of labeling themselves as either “Side A” or “Side B”. Yes they are actually choosing sides! Side A refers to an affirming church that accepts and celebrates inclusivity—all members have equal rights when it comes to leading, speaking, marrying and participating fully in everything the church offers. Side B means full acceptance and everything that comes with it is only extended to cis gender heterosexual persons, often specifically men.

These labels are just a new way to say affirming and non-affirming. By creating a different reference point (Side A, Side B) another layer of discrimination is imposed on a select group of people. Apparently, Side B doesn’t sound as negative as non-affirming but honestly it ultimately communicates the same thing…”you are not fully accepted here.”  

The church needs to do better. Lose the labels. It’s time to see one another as a gifts from God, human beings created in his image no matter what the differences may be. 


There is a lot of talk about people leaving the church. Attendance and giving are down and seats go unfilled on Sunday mornings. The reason though seems to be up for debate.

If you ask the local pastor or hard core members you will hear tales about congregants being lured away by “the world.” Those who choose to leave are painted as faithless and turning from God. Those who stay are the chosen, the only true believers. Staying put provides an assurance that if one offers their time, talents and treasure to the institution of the church they will be rewarded either in this life or the next.

Question those that leave and you hear stories of conflict between what Jesus taught and what the church is today. Kindness, compassion, sacrifice and helping others are core tenets of the ancient church yet today these things are set aside for things like patriotism, personal rights and privilege.

Let me share an example of what I mean. A friend of mine noticed a man experiencing homelessness lingering around the building he lived in. My friend got to know this man and  offered whatever assistance he could—food, clothing, respect and a friendly ear. As time went on my friend invited this gentleman to church. The man was interested. The kindness he had received was enough to motivate him to visit the small church nearby.

When the man arrived at church things were awkward at best. Church members seemed to avoid him. During the music at the start of the service, the man moved to the front of the room and obviously enjoyed the singing. At the break he was escorted out of the church. 

Apparently one of the elders was afraid that this guy was going to find his way into the children’s area and do something “bad.” The elder new absolutely nothing about this person and had never even seen him before that morning. The decision was purely based on appearance. Kicking the visitor out was endorsed by the pastor and other leaders present as well. 

Heartbreaking. Why did no one come to this visitors aid. Where was the compassion, the love.

This happened at a church I belonged to. I wasn’t there that Sunday. I heard the story from my friend—who did not return to the church. He shared the story with me after I left.

As one who has stepped away I look back and feel shame for being part of an institution that would boast about what they do for those in need, but when somebody unexpected shows up in their midst there is no tenderness or care to be found. Only judgment and disdain.

Honesty I’m still assessing where I stand in regard to organized religion. I know denominations differ and there are loving groups of Christians doing amazing things in the world. I also see those who claim Christ do things that are very unlike him.


“No matter what first hand experiences you’ve had, what stories you’ve heard or lived, what books you’ve read, what data you’ve analyzed or what prayers you’ve prayed...maybe they aren’t going to change their minds. So? You aren’t called to change their minds—only to bear witness.”—Jonathan Martin

On occasion people have asked what the point of this blog is. Originally I began by sharing my observations of the world around me and how that could be seen in my art and photography.

The observations became something more after my experience at a local church launched me on a journey of rediscovery. Those of you who regularly read this blog know the story. 

The journey continues. I’m not the same person I was three years ago when I started and I am confident I won’t be the same person three years from now. I discovered I thrive on the hard work of examining my beliefs and each step makes me a better person. 

(Being an Enneagram 5w4 it’s part of my nature to question and investigate.)

When people ask why it’s so important to me to examine what I’ve believed, I tell them that I’m interested in the truth. I’ve come to understand the truth is not as apparent as one might think. Often the truth is obscured by perspective, interpretation and plain ignorance of the past. I’m amazed how beliefs evolve and change over time and how far we’ve drifted.

This blog has become much more than originally intended. By writing my experiences down and posting them to the web, the blog becomes a witness of what my journey has been. If you let it, it calls all of us to do better, to consider the outcome before blindly following person or belief and to be consistent in the actions that support our beliefs. 

My purpose here isn’t to change your mind it’s to bear witness. What you do with that witness is up to you.


I saw a post on Twitter recently that got me thinking.

The post was a question directed toward exvangelicals—“What was the straw that broke it for you?” My curiosity was piqued so I followed the thread and saw the responses contained a wide array of reasons people walked away from the church.

I wondered if I could put my finger on just one thing that caused me to flee this expression of Christianity. I know why I left specific congregations, but why did I turn away from a belief system I held for over 30 years?

There are a lot of things I have unlearned in the last three years. End times eschatology, dispensationalism, biblical inerrancy, and substitutional penal atonement are just a few. But, was there one specific thing I could put me finger on that ended it for me?

I think the thing that caused by feet to move was the way evangelical churches I have been part of have brought abuse and suffering to their own people.

Before anyone gets up in arms over that last statement keep in mind this is my experience in the churches I’ve attended. You may have a lovely church full of caring, giving individuals but every time I think I’ve found one I learn that appearances can be deceiving.

I’ve seen so much damage, so many people kicked out or cast off that I just can’t do it anymore. I’ve seen too much—nasty church splits; abusive doctrine; a board deciding to pursue legal charges on a former congregant which ended up separating a mother from two small children for years; families, individuals and dear friends kicked out of a congregations in order to protect a pastor’s fragile ego; a “homeless ministry” leader demanding security in an apartment complex because homeless people might sleep in a carport, church closings; infidelity among leadership; a pastor telling his denomination he would not speak to someone who was “not kicked out” of his church; and the list goes on.

What it finally came down to is that I am not OK with being part of a group where treating others badly is part of their DNA. Be it subtle (or not so subtle) racism, LGBTQ exclusion, “church discipline,” or turning a blind eye to those in need my motivation for leaving is the way people are treated by the organism called church.

The place where acceptance and love, reconciliation and forgiveness are preached every Sunday has become for me a place where these things are not found.

I think I’d prefer to hang out with the homeless guy in the carport.

75 to 25

Just heard that Minneapolis First Covenant Church has been involuntarily removed from the Evangelical Covenant denomination. It’s hard to understand how a denomination that prides itself on freedom in non salvific beliefs can remove a vibrant church that seeks to live from a place of acceptance and love for all.

The vote of 75 to 25 wasn’t even close.

The work Minneapolis First Covenant has done has changed the the city they serve. They operate a day care center from their historic downtown location as well as a homeless shelter. They even sold their parking lot to the city so Minneapolis could build low rent housing. Far more than many churches do.

Now Their brothers and sisters in Christ have turned their backs and everything could change. So many lives will be negatively impacted. My hope is that the community they serve rallies around them and support them.

The ECC has one again chosen to disobey Jesus command to “Love one another.”

If you are still part of an ECC church it just might be time to leave.


Just a quick update to my last post. Evangelical Covenant Church President Emeritus Glenn Palmberg has posted a letter on his Facebook page stating his opposition to removing First Covenant Minneapolis from the ECC denomination. 

It’s good to see someone at the highest level of leadership in this church share a differing opinion. Hopefully this piece will give voting members pause when it comes to involuntary removal of a church from their denomination. The vote is scheduled to take place at the annual meeting June 27–29. 

Palmberg sums up his post with this quote: ”the record of misreading in Christian history is cause for humility in our own reading of the Bible. It should cause us to pause before we make authoritative statements about a particular interpretation of a passage, especially if it is an interpretation on which Christians authentically disagree. Simply put: we sometimes get it wrong.”

You can find Palmberg’s entire letter here  https://www.facebook.com/glenn.palmberg/posts/10211234901947701


Anyone that has been around evangelicalism for any period of time knows there are few issues that raise more ire than same sex marriage (the obvious exception being reproductive choice). I remember the election cycles here in California and the hard fought battle that saw marriage equality becoming law. During that time the loudest voice against this new law was the evangelical church.

Recently we saw the UMC try to work through this issue during their general meeting. Arguments ensued and no decision was made. The possibility of a church split over same sex marriage looms over the denomination. Churches everywhere are coming to terms with what inclusivity and acceptance are and what that looks like in day to day practice.

Just this weekend I learned of another denomination strong arming member churches to discriminate against same sex couples: the ECC. 

I was once a member of a Evangelical Covenant Church. I  was drawn to the denomination because of the structure—each individual church was able to work independently while holding to the basic tenets of the Christian faith. These were not called doctrines but affirmations. Their dedication to acceptance, peace and reconciliation was admirable. But what appeared on paper was not practiced in the church.

The local body I was a part of prided itself on being “welcoming to all” and even boasted that members of the LGBTQ community attended their services. Often this was more had attended rather than still attending. There has been a recent focus at this church on being open to LGBTQ persons with the pastor saying he had a heart toward this community. This pastor has also said during a sermon he would “never be affirming like those progressives.” Seems like a mixed message.

Perhaps I was naive, but I’ve come to realize the ECC is not who they say they are— both locally and as a denomination.

Over the weekend a story broke that the ECC will be removing the First Covenant Church of Minneapolis because the pastors are looking into conducting same sex weddings. This is not the first time the ECC has banned a church community. 

A few years back an ECC church planter opened Christ Church in Portland. This young man was trained by the ECC and was very open about his vision for an open an LGBTQ affirming church. There was never a point at which the denomination said no, that is until he acted upon his vision. His license was revoked and the new church had to find other ways to continue meeting.

More recently a campus pastor at North Park University found herself is similar position because she believed marriage was for all. Her license was revoked and she lost her job. This little church lost a tenured pastor that had loved and cared for them simply because she married two longtime church members.

Now another pastor is on the chopping block. The congregation, who stand behind him, is also at risk of the church being “decommissioned” for their views on what acceptance really means.

You might say the ECC has every right to do this stuff, and yes they do have the right to act like jerks if they wish. But my problem is they don’t have the right to play with people’s lives this way. Don’t lie and say we love you and accept you but we can’t let you be like the rest of us—we can’t allow you to marry the person you love. Don’t say your pastors have the freedom to make decisions for themselves and their congregations if you are going to swoop in and revoke licenses when a pastor takes a truly inclusive, accepting stance. 

 Looking back I regret not understanding the ECC’s stance.


Let’s talk about two things impacting the evangelical church: LGBTQ inclusion and Women in Leadership.

Before you click away please know I don’t want to get stirred up on which side of the debate holds the better biblical argument or who the church has the right to exclude from holding which position (or being baptized or withhold communion, or prohibit leading worship, etc.). Instead let us consider enforced policy—or what a church teaches about these subjects and how the beliefs are acted upon.

Of late I’ve been looking for a community in which I might feel comfortable. That’s how I stumbled across churchclarity.org. What they do is rate churches by their stance on women in leadership and LGBTQ acceptance. Unfortunately this information is rarely available on a church website.

It’s true. The first place I go to learn about a church I might visit is to the internet. After looking at dozens of church sites over the past year I can tell you there is definite “look” to church marketing. Big photos of smiling people, some feature the racially diverse while others focus on specific age groups. Slick church logos and bright and cheery buttons that say “visit us,” “welcome,” or “be part of our community,” are prominent. There’s typically a staff page with mugshots of smiling people in trendy clothes with perfect hair and white teeth. It’s clear these websites are selling a brand.

Now I have nothing against target marketing, but it bothers me that there is very little on these sites that explains what the churches believe. Other than perhaps a creedal statement or link to a denominational website there is no mention of enforced policies of LGBTQ inclusion or Women in Leadership. To me these are important issues and I would prefer to know walking in what the church believes.

Check it out yourself. Visit your church’s website and see if you can find any policy on what roles women can hold or if the church is LGBTQ affirming. You’ll be surprised. Words seem to be crafted very carefully to dodge the specifics and disguise what may appear exclusionary.

That’s why churchclarity.org is important. Their rating scale is clear and understandable. The highest rating a church can receive is “Verified Clear.” That means that no matter what the church’s position is on these issues it is clearly stated and easily found on the website. I hope we would all agree that’s a good thing.

Now visit churchclarity.org and search for churches in your area. They have rated over 2,000 churches across the country with more added each week. While at the site don’t miss the first person stories of people who believed their church accepted them but ultimately found themselves excluded. There are also communications between mega church leaders and Church Clarity founders that shed a lot of light on the way churches mislead people in regard to enforced policies.   

Honesty and transparency used to be things the church strived for. Now it seems there are things that need to be covered or disguised because they may provoke tough questions and uncomfortable discussions. I think clarity would be something that all of us would welcome.


Growing up I didn’t have any sort of religious influence in my life. It was the 70s and my parents both had bad experiences with the churches in which they were raised. So, it wasn’t until I was 17 that I began to be interested in spiritual things.

I was drawn to the whole “end times” discussion that was rampant during the late 70s and early 80s. The talk of the soon-coming apocalypse was fervent and ubiquitous. I couldn’t get away from it and in some ways I didn’t want to. In fact, I attended a church led by one of the most prominent “Prophecy Preachers” of the era. He loved to say his “Late, Great…” tome was the best selling book of the 1970s. Sadly, this was not the biggest lie I believed during that time.

Fast forward almost four decades. I’ve come to understand all of the things I learned about the end of the world are false. The numerology, interpretations, star gazing and predictions are all lies. Stuffing current events into first century Biblical metaphors is not a healthy practice and misses the point of Jesus teachings. It’s not about escaping this place, it’s about sticking around to make life better for others.

What you believe about the end changes the way you live in the middle. It seems those that hold to this apocalypse narrative turn away from things like creation care, social justice, peacemaking, and true acceptance and affirmation of others. We’re all about saying we love and accept everyone until we open the book of Revelations where millions of people are slaughtered during the tribulations and climactic “War of the Lamb.” Reading Revelation literally is terrifying at best and shows we’ve completely missed the point.

If we believe everything will burn we make decisions based on that. Our narrative begins to reflect end-times eschatology. If we’re short-timers here we don’t need to worry about climate change, or debt, or long term security, or taking care of those less fortunate, or racial reconciliation, or….[fill in the blank].

As a nation our foreign policy is driven by this bad eschatology. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Peace in the middle east is a complex problem and our support of one side over all others reflects our belief as a nation in this apocalyptic fantasy. We support military aggression by our “friends” and condemn any actions by the other side. Problem is children are dying on both sides while we root for the apocalypse. Are we that callous and unfeeling to choose our “reward” over the lives of innocents. Perhaps we are the antichrist.  

Let’s turn away from the untruths an lean into caring for one another. Love with abandon. Care for this planet and every human being living on it. 


One of the assignments this week in Atheism for Lent was to watch a video called “Messiah.” In a nutshell Illusionist Derren Brown convinces people with various belief systems that he has supernatural powers. He poses as a medium who can speak with the dead, someone who can see another person dreams, an alien abduction survivor, a psychic and an evangelist who can cause people to believe in God with just a touch. 

It was fascinating to watch people accept his story and his [false] abilities no questions asked. If anyone had simply said “Is this a trick?,” he would have confessed it was—but no one asked.

In a scene straight out of a Christian revival meeting, Brown invited a room of people to stand. After just a few words and broad arm motions from Brown these people fell as if they were struck by a supernatural force (back in the day we’d say “slain in the spirit”). What was even more fascinating was these people just a short time before they had identified themselves as atheists. He’d converted them and convinced them of a supernatural worldview in just minutes. It was amazing to watch. 

It struck me how vulnerable we are to suggestion. Looking back on my time in the church, I recall multiple times when things seemed off. But, I put my trust in a pastor or saw others have an emotional response to something deemed supernatural. I abandoned my skepticism and went along with the crowd. Because this is the way church is, right? 

When I began asking questions I was told that I needed to pray or that the spirit moves in ways we don’t understand. If I persisted the responses became a bit more intimidating. My faith was called into question and I was encouraged to join a discipleship group with people more mature in their faith than I was. I was offered private meeting with the pastor and told not to discuss  things with anyone else in the church. Ultimately,  I just learned how to say the right things and know the right passages to quote. But, the questions persisted. 

We can be convinced of almost anything. Be vigilant on what you are being told and don’t believe something just because you respect the messenger. I used to hear things like “Come to church each week expecting an encounter with God,” or “God has revealed to me…” Statements like these set us up for manipulation. Perhaps these statements are spoken innocently, but the expectation is that whatever happens and whatever is said should not be questioned. After all it’s directly from God.

So what should we do to protect ourselves? Let’s encourage one another to ask the tough questions and continue to ask until the answers make sense. Focus less on emotion and more on what is being asked of us. A little skepticism is a good thing.


P.S. You can watch Derren Brown’s “Messiah” on YouTube. He also has a special on NetFlix called “Miracle.” Both are worth viewing.


The season of Lent begins Wednesday, March 6. Observing Lent is actually a rather new practice for me. I’ve only become aware of the tradition over the past five years or so. In a nutshell Lent is the 40 day of reflection prior to Holy Week and Easter Sunday.

Most people see it as a time of giving something up; chocolate, desserts, alcohol, etc. More trendy is the promise to do without Facebook, the internet or Netflix. Last year I did something different. I studied something. 

I answered the challenge from philosopher/theologian/author Peter Rollins to dive into Atheism for Lent. I have to confess, it came at a time where my faith was in a turmoil and I wanted to have nothing to do with traditional spiritual practices. Looking at Atheism was a great way to do something radical and test my beliefs.

The study is intense and requires a bit of a commitment. A different theme guides each week and readings, audio recordings and video are provided for each day. At the end of the week is a live video presentation by Rollins who also answers questions from the previous week.  Everything is online and can be completed at your own pace. 

There is also a very active Facebook group that can be joined to discuss the work with other course participants. This helps a lot when you get a bit stuck and you don’t want to wait for the live aspect of the course.

I plan on taking the journey again this year. Registration is now open. For more information visit peterrollins.com and click on Atheism for Lent.

Do something radical and join me for Atheism for Lent.  



I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the power of belief. What we choose to believe—or disbelieve—has significant influence on how we see the world. I know in my case I’ve picked up some pretty odd beliefs. Things that at the time seemed right but upon closer scrutiny turned out to be an obscure opinion or twisted understanding rather than fact.

Let’s consider cults. I’m fascinated by groups of people who follow strange teachings that offer enlightenment. They claim be the only correct way to find peace, perfection, happiness, fulfillment, God…i.e whatever is missing in your life.  What ultimately drives these groups is a type of group-think or brain washing.  

Belief in a cult  is communicated through separation, isolation, paranoia and rules and affirmation. This is done through the teaching of one leader and a host of others who enforce the adherence to the belief and reward those who act appropriately.

What fascinates me most is how even the newest believers throw themselves so fully into their role of defender and evangelist. Perhaps it’s because our society  has taught us to put out head down, do what we’re told and wait for the reward.

There’s nothing wrong with doing well, following rules or being part of something bigger than us. Goals are healthy, passions should be followed and dreams should be chased after. The problem comes when we set aside our suspicion and lay hold of unquestioned beliefs. (Kinda like Multi-level Marketing but that’s a different post.)

I see a lot of practices used by cults are used within the evangelical church. Fostering and atmosphere of absolute control is unhealthy. Telling followers “we are the only ones with the truth—even among other Christian practices” is dangerous. The fear of losing faith can drive people to do and believe some very sketchy things. Being shunned is used as a weapon against those who disagree.

As an example (I know I’m grabbing at low hanging fruit here) are end times beliefs. I spent several years in a church where the pastor was revered as a prophet, writing dozens of books about the end of the world. We were told we were the only ones who knew the signs and the time frame—the pastor denies ever setting dates but he did. The interpretations didn’t pan out. Political, economic  and natural disasters didn’t come. We woke up. We were lied to.

More recently, in a small group I led, several members were convinced the world was coming to an end because of the four “Blood Moons.” Nothing happened. Yet these men persisted in looking for the end because they were taught to believe it was just around the corner.

What troubles me today is not end times hogwash but the refusal of the evangelical church to accept the possibility of differing viewpoints. We have access to great amounts of information. We should be wiser than we are. Why is it that open discourse is so distasteful to some Christian leaders? Perhaps they understand in order to control people you need to control beliefs. 

Here’s a list of documentaries I’ve watched recently on cults (and some scary practices within the evangelical church). Most can be streamed. Google them for more information:

Wild, Wild Country (Bagwan Shree Rajneesh) 

Holy Hell (Budafield)

Going Clear (Scientology)

Scientology the Aftermath (TV series)

The Cult Next Door (Bill Gothard—Institute for Basic Life Principles)

Jesus Camp (Evangelical church kids)


Just for fun here are some recent fictional representations of cults on TV and film:

The Eternal (Science Fiction)

The Master (Drama)

The Path (Drama series on Hulu)

Apostle (Supernatural Horror)

The Invitation (Suspense/Horror)